diet_sodas

eh

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 17:19:00 GMT

138.6
i knew that was gonna happen from the pizza and cake from moms bday. and then the 3 buffalo wings and 2 beers i had at the bar. oh well tho, today is a new day. and a monday :) good time to start anew. today is soup, salad, and hot chocolate only. i really need to drop some poundage, i cant stand the flab that hangs over my new skinny jeans. its not noticeable if i have a hoodie or something on, but if its just a tshirt ughhh. gross. blah well i will be back later.

yayyy

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 14:03:21 GMT

142.8
down a whole pound from yesterday, thank God! those little .4 losses were driving me insane. only 3.8lbs till my first goal of 139. ill be excstatic when i finally get into the 130s, cuz then ill start looking a bit normal. at 135 i can fit into my favorite jeans, and at 132 i can wear my tank tops without my disgusting stomach getting in the way. after 139 my goal is 135, then 132, then 129. i havent seen 129 in so long, but ill be seeing it soon :) but, one thing at a time. gotta get to the first goal. im hoping to get to 140 by saturday, which seems pretty doable except for one thing. tomorow my best friend wants us to go to this bar that her sister and her sorority go to every thursday. this wouldnt be a problem except that its pretty much known that im the "party animal" of the group, so if i say i dont feel like drinking, theyre gonna know something is up. yuck. i have 6 hours of class today, gahhh. and i cant skip any of it cuz ive skipped too many already, boo. oh well whatev, better than me just sitting around all day like i usually do when i dont have class. im mad its colder out today, i was planning on taking my dog for a walk when i got home from class. maybe itll warm up some by then. i played some ddr last night, burned about 100cals i think. i forgot how much i love that game. i think ill play it again tonight, since i lost a whole pound today, maybe that contributed. and i also drank a lot of water yesterday so ill do that agian today. as far as calories go, i dont know how many im gonna have. im still thinking i should try to eat a little more but it always just winds up being around 300 or 500 at best. well ill be back later as always.

well

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 00:26:40 GMT

i finally ate, tried to get to 600 but its just not happening. heres what ive had

ice pop 60
sandwhich 240
ice pop 60
total 360

thats about as good as its gonna get, im not even hungry. i still dont understand how im not losing weight even with eating so little. its ridiculous. im hoping the sandwhich boosts my metabolism, due to the protien. well have to see. im so bored. bah. well i dont really have anything else to rant about, so i guess ill update tomorow. i hope i lost, and a good amount too. we shall see.

argggghh

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:10:10 GMT

143.8
WHY am i losing so slowly!!!! its really starting to piss me off big time. i only ate 350 cals yesterday! and i lose .4 of a lb??? ughhhhh. fuckin a. id say maybe its my metabolism and i need to eat a little more to get it going again, but i ate on saturday, and it didnt do shit for me. ughhh i dont know what to do. i think im gonna try to up the cals to like, 600 today. i dont really want to tho bahhhh, its 4pm and i havent eaten a thing today, and i dont have much want to eat anything either. well have to see. ill be back later to update.

blah

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 23:43:17 GMT

so todays gone well so far. im bored out of my mind. ive been doing what i usually, pathetically do. watching tv and playing on the computer. i hate this, i pretty much have no life if im not out partying. im in so much pain, idk whats up my like, my teeth and gums are going to hell and i dont know why. well i have some wisdom teeth coming in so i guess thats why my jaw hurts. and apparently sensitive gums run in my family, my mom has receeded gums on her two front bottom teeth and now i have it and it sucks. they hurt so so bad. my mom had to get a gum grapht thing onto the front teeth and it was ridic painful for her and it didnt even do anything cuz it didnt take. now i have it like i said and its killing me. not to mention my top gums are just crazy sensitive and hurt and bleed all the time. i think i may have a cavity or two as well which sucks cuz ive never had one and ive been told it hurts like a bitch to get them filled. if i do and i have to get them filled, im gonna get porcelien fillings, not the metal ones cuz theyre ugly. hopefully its just my sore gums and not any cavitys. im sure my shitty diet and the loads of diet soda ive been drinking arent helping the situation. i think its raining out. i miss my parents, and my other dog. ughhhhhh. i cant wait for this semester to be over. oh well enough rant, heres what ive had so far

nemo pop 60
brocoli & potatos 200
total 260

im not even hungry, i mean my stomachs been growling all day but i dont care. i have no cravings to eat whatsoever. ugh i just want this weight to go away like now. i cant stand it. i just got a copy of intouch magazine today, nicole ritchies on the cover. apparently she uses adderal. id heard it b4, and this sorta confirms it. i really freakin want adderal, i NEED to get it. i know i can like buy it from someone, cuz i actually have a friend thats on a similar medication for adhd and he doesnt really take it, but that would get damn expensive and i actually dont wanna take something unless i have a perscription for it from my therapist oddly enough. im fuckin my body up like no other by starving it, but God forbid i take meds w/o a prescription lol im nuts. i dont know how to get her to prescribe it to me tho, she knows all about the ED, and more than likely will catch on that its the only reason i want it. fuckin a. been talking to the bulimic boy lately, wont talk about EDs tho. gets me so pissed cuz he always says "if you need anyone to talk to about food and stuff, im here" but whenever i try, he wont talk! its just nice knowing someone in real life that has an ed and understands it but honestly its like talking to a brick wall with him. but i guess hes got bigger things to worry about, hes pretty sick, non ed related. i guess with my teeth im just gonna go OCD on oral hygiene, im gonna brush, floss and mouthwash like 5 times a day i think. hopefully that will help with the gum sensitivity and whatnot. my mom said that flossing helps with it, but damn they bleed so freakin much when i do, so thats gonna be a challenge. i usually just brush and mouthwash 2 times a day, so im gonna increase that and try to floss more even tho it hurts like a bitch. the whole right side of my face is killing me, i feel like its swollen or something. ughhhhhh. i went to the store today and alls i bought was ice pops haha. i think these two bitches that walked by were talking about me. i was looking at the calorie content on some ice pops and i swear i heard them say something about looking at calories and laughing. but then again i might just be paranoid. so who knows. ugh oh well whatever, thats enough ranting from me i suppose. OMGGGG my fuckin face hurts, im gonna have to call the dentist tomorow cuz this wisdom tooth is killing me, or whatever the hell is doing this. hopefully i lost today, if i didnt im gonna be pissed as fuck, and also confused being as i havent eaten like barely anything. ugh whatever. peace out girl scout

umm wth

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 16:58:43 GMT

144.2
down only .6 from yesterday, what the hell? i only ate 350 calories, actually drank water, not to mention was sick all day so its not like theres anything left in me, and i only lose a bit over half a pound? wtf give?! ugh im so dissapointed. im hoping to be back to 143.6 or lower by tomorow. ugh my stupid best friend apparently took pictures of herself when she was drunk the other night after we went out for thanksgiving, and of course made them all accentuate the fact that shes lost a shitload of weight, it pisses me off so much. the bitch KNOWS i have issues with eating and weight and stuff and alls she does is go on about how much weight shes lost, how nothing fits her anymore, how everythings too loose blah blah blah. its just like shut the fuck up already i dont wanna hear it. i mean dont get me wrong, its awesome inspiration cuz i NEED to be skinnier than this bitch, but at the same time its getting me really frustrated that im losing so slowly, especially because ive been doing so well. im sure part of the slow losing is because i have my period, and i get ridiculously bloated when i have my period, so hopefully when its finished in a day or two ill drop a couple more pounds and get the weight loss back in gear. well ill be back later to update as always.

blah

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 01:21:38 GMT

im so lonely. i was in the house, alone, nearly all day. came back from my friends this morning around 1130, cuz they were gettin into the breakfast thing and i wanted to get outta there b4 they forced me into it. since then ive been sitting here watching tv and reading posts. im so pathetic. i do this hours a day, days at a time. especially since i lost my job. i have nothing to do. i went to target today just for something to do, i didnt even really need anything. i got some shampoo, a hairband, soup, and some stuff for my dog. got her some treats, a new leash and new collar. when it gets warm out again im gonna start taking her for walks, cuz we could both use some exercise. i did really good today, heres what ive had
nemo bar 60
soup 150
ice pop 70
total 280

my stomach has been growling and whatnot like crazy, but its like, not even a problem. im physically hungry, but not mentally. my body feels all weird. i get like, itchy in my arms and back. it makes me like twitch and shit and i gotta like move my arms and scratch myself or pull my hair or something its weird. ive also been getting these weird pains in my arms and legs. i guess like cramps? its usually in my left arm, it hurts so bad i think im having a heart attack or something and nothing makes it go away. its so painful i just sit there cringing till either it goes away or i go to sleep, it usually happens in bed. it happens in my legs too. i drank a lot of water today which is good. ive been sick all day, apparently my body doesnt like solid food too much. ive pretty much only been eating liquids with the exception of my occasional sandwhich. so yea my body pretty much freaked out on me after yesterdays eating and drinking. its kind of a good thing tho, cuz at least its all out of me now. i might have another ice pop, im not really sure. im kinda depressed. i need some company. i hope i lost. we shall see tomorow.

yesterday

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 16:23:11 GMT

yesterday i was 143.6! so happy, lower than the goal i had thought id be :D bad news? i drank a ridiculous amount yesterday and ate a good bit too, so now im 145 again. but im not really all that worried because well i have my period, so that adds some weight and i know ill be able to get back to 143 and lower again in no time. so heres a quick recap of what i had yesterday:
4 miller lites
1 soco lime shot
2 midori sours
2 malibu bay breezes
1 malibu and sprite
1/2 coors lite
4 mozzerella sticks
3 bites of pasta
1 cookie

ugh thats so gross. its not REALLY a lot of food, its just that it was shitty food, and i drank sooooo much. but like i said, im not really worried. well thats enough for now ill be back later im sure.

soooo

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 01:59:40 GMT

today went well. didnt do a damn thing today cuz its like freezing rain out. theres about two to three inches of little hail thingys, not even snow! it sucks. heres what ive had:
nemo pop 60
sandwhich 240
ice pop 70
nemo pop 60
ice pop 70
total 500 even

nice, go me lol. barely drank any water today tho which sucks but oh well. hopefully ive lost today despite having my period and not drinking much water. god its so gross out, i was just getting use to the nice weather too its been so nice out the last couple days. i been looking at thinspiration almost all day. i almost binged today, i got a crazy craving, im not even sure what for, but its probably because i didnt eat anything other than an ice pop until like 6pm. i need to figure out how to get my therapist to prescribe me adderall. shes a RN so she can give out perscriptions, but she knows about the ED so im sure shed be hesitant to give me adderall even if i can convince her that i need it. i read on perezhilton somewhere that nicole ritchie takes it. not sure how acurate that is but i know other people that lose shit loads of weight on it, so i want it like more than anything. hmm well ill update tomorow as always.

i hate having my period!

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 18:08:02 GMT

144.2
down .2 from yesterday, sucks but better than nothing. so i got my period last night/this morning and it freakin blows. im all bloated and stuff gahh and its making me lose slow as hell. i went to my friends house last night cuz hes having some weird chest pains and cant really go out so i went to keep him company. he asked me to bring him cookies, so i did. he asked if i wanted any and i said no at first and he gave me a weird look so a little while later i had a couple. ughh i was so mad. helped the chocolate craving i was getting due to my period, but still. i had 520 cals b4 that and had been trying to get to 800 to get the metabolism going, so i guess its all ok. but ugh. i feel like shit cuz of my period and cuz im losing so slow. at best ill be an even 144 tomorow. 2lbs away from what i was hoping for. 4lbs away from what i was REALLY hoping for. but its better than nothing i guess. idk what im gonna do saturday, im irish, and i LOVE to drink especially on st patricks day, and i usually always drink beer. well ive pretty much sworn off beer in an effort to lose more weight and get rid of the beer belly ive developed from drinking so damn much of it. tomorows gonna be really difficult, thats all i know. i gotta go to the mall to return some things and because i bought a tank top from hot topic and the dumbass girl forgot to take the security tag off, ugh idiot. sooo yea. ill be back later to update as always.

i <3 diet coke

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 00:41:51 GMT

so today went well, didnt eat near 800 cals as planned to jump my metabolism, but i think i did pretty good anywho. i went food shopping today, bought 4 12 packs of diet coke and diet dr pepper lol. i drank a good bit of water today which makes me happy cuz goodness knows my body needs it. 1.5 liters, im proud. i also drank like 4 cans of diet coke but whatever, better than not drinking the water at all right? so heres what ive had today:

ice pop 70
sandwhich 240
soup 150
nemo pop 60
total 520

so the sandwhich i had was actually one of those frozen breakfast sandwhichs that you put in the microwave. super unhealthy i know but it has egg, cheese and ham, all protien rich foods that i really need cuz i havent been having like any protien lately. it kept me reallyyy full too, i kinda felt sick after it cuz it was so much. then in an effort to try to get to 800 cals i decided to have some soup. then i had a little kids "nemo" creamsicle pop thing. it was really good and i was suprised, only 60 cals! so if u ever have a craving for ice cream go for one of these. im starting to feel my weight loss already and i love it. the jeans ive been wearing lately (one of the only 2 pairs that fit anymore) had been feeling tight, now theyre starting to feel good, a little loose even. so that makes me pretty happy. something that DOESNT make me happy is im getting my period this week ughh. thankfully i havent been having crazy pms cravings like i usually do but that does mean water retention and whatnot. guess im just gonna have to drink as much water as i can to keep that at bay. hopefully the higher protien levels of the food i ate today and the increased water will give me a good loss for tomorow. i really need to lose as much as physically possible before saturday. i love feeling hungry. i actually didnt even want to eat the soup, for the first time i had to FORCE myself to eat it. so crazy. well thats enough for now. hopefully i lost! we shall see tomorow

bah

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 17:02:17 GMT

144.4
down .6 from yesterday. i had a feeling the weight loss was gonna slow down. boo. guess that means i gotta start varying the intake more. im gonna try to eat a little more today, probably around 800 cals to kickstart my metabolism back in gear and then work my way down again. im going food shopping in a little while to get some more diet coke, water, soup, and ice pops. ill be back later as always to update on what ive eaten.

ugh

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 03:30:36 GMT

yea so i just tried on the outfit im suppose to wear to the bar saturday for st pats day....OMFG i hate myself. i seriously cant lose weight quick enough. i look horrendous, i cant stand it. yuckkkkkkk. fuckin a i wish the weight would come off quicker. i mean i know i just got back into it and all things considered im losing at a really good rate, but not good enough to look good saturday. ugh. at best i can get down to 142 if i lose a lb a day until saturday. that would be 7lbs in a week, that would be awesome actually. well, we shall see. yuck yuck yuck i cant wait till i get out of the 140s, ill feel soooo much better. at 135 ill be able to fit back into my favorite jeans and at 132 my abercrombie khakis that i love will come off without me even needing to undo the buttons or zip. i cant wait to be back there. soon enough i suppose. well thats enough of my bitching for now.

OMG

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 02:36:02 GMT

today was difficult to say the least. i went to my best friends house around noon to go to the mall to hang out with some friends. she asks if i want to get some bagels b4 we go, i say im on a diet (i tell them i do weight watchers) and that i cant. so we get to the mall and meet up with friends and walk around and then decide to go to the foodcourt for lunch. i say theres still nothing there that i can eat and my friends start getting weird. i go to the sbarro pizza thing with the best friend cuz she wants pizza. and then i notice they have little fruit salads, IM SAVED. so i have about half the fruit salad and a diet coke. while walking around the mall i drank a 20oz water bottle which is great cuz i havent been drinking like ANY water. so then we went to this park thing where they have dear you can feed and it was really fun. got a good bit of walking in as well. so then we go back to our friends house and she busts out a bag of reeses candy. my favorite. BUT i was so proud i withheld and didnt have any at all. THEN her mom comes home and asks us about dinner, and says shell make us mac & cheese. i again say to my friends that i cant eat it its too fattening for weight watchers blah blah and they start with the whole 'you barely ate today you have fruit for lunch you can eat dinner' crap. so her mom makes it and gives us each a bowl. i only eat half, let my best friend eat the rest. i have no idea how many calories ive had today, so im gonna take a stab at it:

fruit:50
lollipop:30
mac&cheese:300
total:380?

i could be way off i have no idea, its probably more than that :( sucks.
im really hoping i lost today. we shall see tomorow tho i suppose.

today

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 02:07:09 GMT

so today went well. didnt do a whole lot really. went to see my therapist, shes mad im restricting again. and 'concerned' that ive started obsessing over numbers again. whatever. i like writing them on my wrist. and in my little book. so heres what ive had today:
soup 150
ice pop 70
breakfast leanpocket 150
ice pop 70
ice pop 70
total:510

im happy with that, plus im sure i burned a good amount of that off with some ummm "exercise" that happened with my boy today ;)
i wish this guy would ask me to be his gf already, hes been taking me out and hooking up with me for over a year. oi, men. but whatev, i did good today and im proud. so we shall see what the scale says tomorow :) i think i drank less diet coke today which is good and i actually drank a glass of water instead lol so its a start. my best friend is coming over in a little bit cuz shes depressed about God knows what this time and she wants to eat ice cream and watch a movie. i told her im not eating any ice cream. so i may have another ice pop, but well see. i really need to knock a good amount of this weight off, cuz her being skinnier than me is really getting to me. plus im hoping if she keeps eating ice cream and shit like that shell gain some weight hahaha. im so mean. but whatever. we need to get it straight that IM the one with the eating disorder, not her. im crazy, i know. whatev. cant wait to see the scale tomorow :)

weight update

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 14:21:46 GMT

146 :D
down 1.2lbs from yesterday. go me.
that is all :)

one more before bed

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 05:02:45 GMT

i didnt eat any of the cookies, even with much coaxing and cohersing from my ex. i just drank moreee diet coke hehehe. im suprisingly tired tho despite how much of it ive drank today. i went to barnes and noble to get a little notebook to write my cal numbers in and almost fell over a couple times. ive also decided to start writing the numbers on the back of my hand and the inside of my wrist. my therapist is right, i am obsessed with numbers. but i dont really care. so yea, hope i lost! cant weight to weigh again tomorow :D i need to lose as much weight as possible by saturday, st patricks day cuz im going to the bar and like i said my best friend lost a shit load of weight and im sick of that bitch getting so many compliments. so yea. 147.2. im HOPING to be 140 by saturday. 5 days to lose 7.2lbs. if i lose near 2lbs for the next two days ill def make it. i know 140 is still heavy as fuck but its a good start. well im gonna go sleep.

quickie update

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 00:17:01 GMT

well its 8pm and heres what ive had
soup 150
potatoes and brocoli 200
lollipop 60
ice pop 70
total:480

i might have another ice pop i dont really know. im going to my exs house to hang out (he lives with one of my best guy friends) and he wants me to make him cookies. wish me luck not to eat any, altho im not really hungry so im sure ill be fine.

success!

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 14:28:09 GMT

147.2
yay! down 1.8lbs from yesterday :D im soo so happy. and it wasnt even that hard. usually the first day is the hardest for me cuz idk i usually mess up. but not this time :) im so excited hehe. only thing i need to do today is drink more water because i can tell im completely dehydrated. the only thing i drank yesterday really was diet coke. and as much as i love diet coke, i know its not healthy to not drink ANY water. anyone else watch the food network a lot? im like obsessed with it. weird. i go to my therapist tomorow. shes probably gonna ask how ive been eating. in my opinion this is GOOD, but to her it will be bad because i can never stay in the middle, either i starve or i binge. oh well whatever. i need to get skinny, now. and i will. im happy :D well ill be back later to update what i eat today.

quickie

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 03:45:16 GMT

just thought id do a quick update of what ive eaten today cuz i cant sleep from all the diet coke. gotta get caffine free. so here it is

soup 150 cals
potatoes and brocoli 200
3 ice pops 210
total: 560 cals

plus i went for a walk on the boardwalk today so im sure i burned at least half of that off if not all of it. cant wait to weigh myself! i better have lost thats all i have to say. i cant wait to be skinny again. super skinny. i have the ultimate motivation now too. my best friend just randomly lost a shit load of weight and wont stop going on about how "hot" she looks a shit. just wait till i get skinny again :D we wanna try to work for an alcohol company or a bar this summer, so i gotta get super super skinny hot. shes taller and has bigger boobs, but i think id be super cute as a short skinny bar tender ;) or miller lite/coors lite/whatever the hell alcohol/liquor brand i can get girl lol
k well im gonna stop babbling and try to get some sleep.

:D hooray hooray

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:07:25 GMT

149 even.
finally out of the disgusting 150s. ugh i cant believe i got that grossly out of control.
ive done so good today im so excited. heres what ive had so far:

soup 150 cals
ice pop 70
brocoli & potatoes 200
total: 420 cals

i may or may not have another ice pop or possibly a vita brownie. even if i have both of them the total will come to 590, which isnt bad at all for just starting out all over again. cant wait to weigh myself tomorow, im sure ill be down at least a little, and any loss is a good loss at this point.
ive also had 3 diet cokes today, im shaking like a fiend right now, its 8pm im never gonna be able to sleep but its ok cuz i dont have class or anything so i can sleep in. i need to start drinking more water.
well thats all for now, i shall update tomorow with my new weight.

so

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:33:31 GMT

im obese. i cant stand it. i have an eating disorder and my two best friends are thinner than i am. its driving me insane. i thought i was pregnant or something because ive been eating like a condemned person, but im not, im just a paranoid spaz. so ive decided to start restricting again. the only foods im going to allow myself to eat are: soup
apple sauce
breakfast lean pockets
salad
vitamin water
diet soda
water

im gonna try to stick to that for at least a week and see how it goes. another thing im going to need to give up which is going to suck is drinking. i turned 21 in november and the my parents went to florida the begining of january. since then ive pretty much been on an alcoholic binge just cuz i can. im gonna try to stop drinking beer first, cuz even tho i drink lite beer its definitly giving me a belly. well thats enough bitching for now.

Im back

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 03:04:05 GMT

so im back from school. i really liked it there but i changed majors, so now im transferring back home which sucks. i joined a sorority and everything down there. the good side is that i will be able to get back to losing weight. it was almost impossible to do that down there, like seriously. and once i joined the sorority it was over cuz alls they do is eat! i was 131 when i got down there and by the time i got home i was 149!!!! thats just in one semester!! so ridiculous. so ive started to restrict again ever so slightly to get myself back into it without being obvious. im down to 147.4 now. 1.6lb loss which is better than nothing but after christmas (tomorow) im getting my ass in gear, the weights gotta go and its gotta go now. its funny i felt friggin obese at 131 and now im looking at it as a big goal, like id actually feel thin at that weight. ha. ill never feel thin enough but DAMN 149??? wtf! ive NEVER weighed that much, ive come close but never gotten that ridiculously out of control. itll all change soon enough tho. my parents are going to florida for 3-4 months, so ill be living by myself again in my house. should be interesting, but im thinking it will help me lose weight cuz they wont be around and ill be COMPLETELY in control of what i buy and eat. and how much i exercise and whatnot. 16.4lbs away from 131. i can do it. last time idk what was up, but i lost weight sooo slowly, it took me like 2 months to lose 10lbs. not this time, im gonna do everything and anything to get rid of this weight, i cant keep it up. i can hardly fit into any of my jeans anymore ugh. so the bulimic boy that i used to work with went and got himself a girlfriend when i left for school. almost fuckin IMMEDIATLY after i left for school. i came home for thanksgiving and he was never available, said hed had another seizure and was tired. about a week b4 im due to come home for christmas he tells me hes been seeing some girl since the end of september. WTF. he was so sad for me to leave, said hed date me if i were home blah blah blah and a few weeks later the asshole gets a girlfriend. fucker doesnt miss me THAT much now does he? but whatever, shes not even pretty and i doubt shes gonna deal with his "issue" very well. and besides, im completely infactuated with my ex's best friends brother :D. ill let everyone know how that goes later :D hehe
well thats enough for now i suppose, ill be back tomorow or sometime soon to update the weight sitch.
think thin and merry christmas :)

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 20:52:28 GMT

142.4
not bad considering the grotesque amount of food that i ate yesterday with one of my soon to be sorority sisters. i dont know why, but when we are together we just eat eat eat. but im back on track today. so far alls ive had is a 90 calorie granola bar. i plan on having some 50 cal applesauce in a few minutes and then around 5 530ish some soup and then some brocoli and potatoes for dinner around 8. altogether that will be 540 calories. very very acceptable to me considering what ive BEEN eating. my bulimic guy friend from home texted me last night saying hes gained weight and people are noticing. i feel bad for him. i tried to reassure him that he is fine but, you know how it is. preaching to the choir lol. its kinda kicked me into gear tho, cuz i want to be really skinny when i come home for thanksgiving break in 3 weeks. and i want to look decent for halloween because some friends and i are being barbies hehe. im gonna either be beach barbie or glamour barbie. my friend is being malibu barbie. it should be pretty sweet. soo yea. eh i might put off the applesauce till later, being as ive just sat here for like 20 minutes lol and its almost 5 now. ill update again later or tomorow. think thin girls.

hmm

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 00:52:25 GMT

well im back. ive gained a ridiculous amount of weight since getting to school and i just cant take how i look anymore. i was about 131 when i got here and i ballooned up to 145. today i weighed in at 143. so its starting, slowly but surely the weight will come back off. i discovered one of my pledge sisters has an eating disorder too, shes mostly bulimic. so at least ill have someone here that understands and shit, she said shes prob gonna get back into throwing up, its terrible but at least im not alone. so heres what ive had today:
cereal:180ish
soup:180
smart one:220
lollipop:60
Total: 640
im really happy with that considering ive been eating thousands upon thousands of calories everyday up until now. i might have 1 more lollipop, just cuz its the last one i have and kinda want to get rid of it and i know if i throw it away ill just pull it out later (cuz i just changed the trash and theres nothing in it) so one more will bring me up to an even 700.
i watched the movies 'stick it' and 'bring it on:all or nothing' last night. i love those movies, and they are very thinspiring. the girls in stick it are really muscely and toned but id seriously rather look like that than look how i do now. ugh 143. so disgusting. everyone says i look fine but they are all insane. i WILL get back to 131. and after that i WILL go lower. i always have problems breaking into the 120s. my body freaks out whenever i even get close. but ill do it this time. 12lbs till im 131 again. its gonna take some time and a ton of effort, but im gonna do it. i cant stay looking like this anymore. none of my jeans fit. ive been wearing sweats everyday. no more. i will be thin and cute. 1lb at a time.
i might go to the store to get some more soup and lean cuisine. maybe not.
ill update tomorow with my weight.
think thin girls